When I was a little girl, living in a small town, I liked to be around my mother listening to her conversation with visiting lady friends. More often I heard them saying, " Aiyo ! we can not already lah ! It's too old to wear this and that after 40!" So in my little mind , I learned that "Women over 40 plus is TOO OLD for anything !" "Young ladies over 20 remained single are overage and hard to find a guy to marry". Then I thought I might have to look for a boy friend before I finished High School. But, that never happened to me ! I wasn't interested in any boys in our class at all !! During my teen, I was hoping to be able to live in a bigger town.
When I reached 40, it was wonderful that I did not feel that I was old!! Then I thought I might experience that Old feeling in another 10 years. When I turned 50, I did not feel that I was old either. In fact, I remarried at senior age of 59 ( Now, people are talking about retirement age at 55 !!!) So, there is only one reason for me not to feel old .......because I DO NOT AND DON'T WANT TO FEEL OLD IN MYSELF... " When you feel old, you are old!" That's it!! Okay !
Then a year after this , I reached this significant NUMBER 60, another round figure in my life! This time around, I did have some strange feeling then made me admit that age is catching up on ME !!! .... Since then, I hated to use or hear the word "OLD" to describe ME! I prefer to use and hear the word "MATURED" instead. In common sense, "Old" means outdated, useless, ineffective, nonproductive or even a burden to younger generation if you are disable whereby " matured" is just like fine wine .... the oldest is the best and right time for appreciation !!!
When I cut my birthday cake 2 days ago, I told our guests that I only have 3 more years to cut the cake ! They asked " What do you mean?" Well, this was a prediction from one Psyche who told me I would live up 67 years old; if I could skip this , I would live up to 87 . If I were to follow Chinese way of calculation ..... I really do not have much time to enjoy my life !!!! How sad !
Right now, I am going to enjoy what are there to enjoy. I am happy to be able to celebrate my 64th Birthday with Ah Don and friends. I am thankful to be able to wake up every morning to see this world, to walk around and run about freely. I can eat as much as I like to. I am both mentally and physically fit to work. May be my memory may fail me sometime but that's not a big deal. I have to use different way to register the memory !! I believe, I am doing good and fine!
Yeah, I can squad up and down without leaning for support. I can lift my leg high up ...... I can hear, I can see, I can jump, I can sing etc, ...... Do I have white hair ? Sure, I do! There are some patches by the side of my forehead. They are like permanent highlight . So what ? I am proud to have these patches.... because there are signs of "Wisdom". Some wise ladies quoted this before and I simply agree with them now that I have them on my head !
Looking back, I have been through various phases and aspects of my life.
When I was little...... I was really little in size and age in my class. I was the youngest and the shortest in the class from my primary years to High School. I had no chance to be appointed as class monitor throughout my whole schooling years... So far, this is my only regret for being too young and too small in the class. This image took away my hidden quality of leadership. ( This is my excuse of failure to be one) . I called myself a "Late Comer" because I was able to explore the quality of leadership at late 50 after I joined and involved in various political and non-political association and movements !! Certainly, I took the greatest pride in my life to see my little daughter being selected to be the class monitor on her first day to school. She was so capable to make her classmates in order while teacher were not around. She fulfilled what I had lost during those schooling years!!
When I was in the college in Singapore, I became the oldest student in the class. I was 24 when the rest of students were in there 17 to 18. WHY ???? Because there was a lapse of more than 6 years before I could walk into the college to continue my education. I am always grateful to my deceased mother and eldest brother who supported me financially and allowed me to accomplish my dream for better education. It was through this education, I was able to set my career path in commercial world. They transformed me to a better person who gradually accumulate confidence and ambition to do great.
I first married at the age of 30.... In 70's this was considered "Late Marriage for ladies"; However, none of our neighbors made any bad comment to my mother of such Overage Marriage merely because I was a career lady ! Haahahaha.....it was so interesting!! They could not believe that my Ex-husband is 7 years younger than me too!! !! Looking back, I was really blessed with a most wonderful and supportive mother in my life. She is my forever mentor and mental supporter. When I faced the fate of divorce, (again, this was predicted by same Psyche ) she gave me adequate encouragement and loving care. I could share with her my joy and sadness. On the other hand, I am also blessed with having one and only daughter Su-Yee who is so special in my life too. I am grateful that she accompanied me and made my life meaningful from 30 plus onwards. She sent me a loving gift and called me in the early morning to wish me "Happy Birthday!" Thank you "Bei" !
During my time as a single parent, I learn to be very independent and strong. That was the period for me to polish my life. I have to give this credit to my ex-husband for giving me the opportunity to grow stronger and be a sole responsible Mom. I worked hard to build my career; I gained the confidence and trust from my boss. I worked 25 year with the company till the company was sold. I quit my position as Assistant General Manger when I could not stand to be treated like "junk" in the eyes of those new management. Regardless of this, there are people in this new management that I like to express my thankfulness to them ! Why again ? Because without their " bad treatment and double standard altitude", I would not have made up my mind to quit and marry with Ah Don. All I know, they helped me to make the right decision in my late 50!!!
Hahahaaha... some people would want to know how and where did I meet this Matsalleh ?
Well, we get to know each other through Internet. When my daughter Su-yee has her circle of friends and seldom be around with me like before, so, I spent some of the time on Internet when I was not involved with any other activities. This is how I got to know Ah Don in 2002.
Do I have to question why I have been treated like this in my life ? No, not really, I am happy with what I had gone through before. The past strengthens my mind set towards my future. And I am happy with what I have now....... I have indeed been treated very fairly and blessed with all good thing in most of life. I have my family members who love and support me all the time especially my youngest brother Alan who cares and close to me. We have similarities in many ways. He is the youngest son and I am the youngest daughter; we both like to see that all our Gan family members are happy together. He has visited me twice since I came to US in 2005.
Below are what I my Birthday Gifts from Ah Don beside a warm kiss this morning!!
My New Glasses ( Price ? hmmm = to my few days pay loh )
The Hard Floor Cleaner for our Home
(I believe he will use this to keep our house clean ......
The supply of tool should come with labor, hahhahaha)
Lastly, a Diamond Pendant & Card
Thank You Ah Don for making my life complete! Thanks to Su-Yee for coming to my life!
I also received a nice Birthday card from Mom-in-law with $10.00 note !!! How sweet & nice of her. She remember all of our big days !!!
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